time: 11.08pm
location: in bed
weather: getting colder, snow is in the forecast. ( we had some nasty wind and rain this past weekend. looks ugly out now)
watching: Top Chef (not really into it this year but there’s nothing else on)
loving: white twinkle lights (I should say obsessed)
thinking: about how awesome I am for getting the majority of my Christmas shopping done early and online.
wondering: if the dress I ordered will show up in time for next weeks office party. (MYHABIT is addicting)
enjoying: this quiet time by myself. (I love my boy and my mans but I’ve really grown to appreciate the little time I get to myself.)
drinking: water
eating: nothing. (tummy is a little upset from the pulled pork. I over did it but it was so tasty!)
I was going to explain why I love this quote so much but I’m getting teary…in a good way and in a sad way.
The good? Knowing that vacancy in my heart is now occupied with kisses and full belly laughs and the tightest hugs from my baby boy. The way he wraps his arms around my neck makes me week in the knees.
The sad? Knowing this will be the first Christmas since my Grandmothers passing this fall. I pray that my family, mostly my Grandfather will be able to cope with her absence. This was her time to shine with the numerous recipes under her belt apron that made so many people happy. I miss her Divinity…that stuff was so sweet and fluffy. I see it at the grocery store but I know it doesn’t come near what my Grandma made. I’ve been doing what I can in her honor. Like bake Tyler’s first birthday cake from scratch. No way I would buy a cake. She would be so dissappointed. I wore one of her vintage aprons while I mixed and frosted. She’s here with me, I know it. I feel her, I can still smell her distinct smell, I hear her voice in my head like she were in the other room. “Tina!” in that thick Georgian accent. It’s strange and comforting at the same time.
Leave it to the Holidays to bring out this range of emotions. You miss loved ones who are gone. You find happiness in the loved one who are here. You reconnect with friends. Your heart feels lighter but heavy too. Christmas is so much more than decorations and presents. It’s certainly a state of mind.
Hmph. Guess I ended up explaining myself after all.
xot.
p.s. the “currents” method of journaling is a quick and easy way to add to your December Daily. Give it a try, especially great on days when your mind is buzzing with all the holiday to dos.
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