I’m not one that likes to be fussed over but it was a welcoming feeling this weekend. Jeff surprised me with a cake from one of my favorite local bakeries, the Flying Dutchman. They’re old school and that sometimes is a good thing, especially when they produce super moist flavorful cakes. They don’t dabble in trends such as cake pops. It’s just good old fashioned baked goods. Love that.
I think the best gift was waking up before my son and spending a little time reading and enjoying a cup of coffee. No tv, just the sound of birds singing their morning song. Seems simple but this rarely happens. Tyler gets up early these days and brings it full tilt until bedtime.
I used this time to catch up on a few books I recently downloaded, Steal Like an Artist and The $100 Start up. I finished Steal and loved it. It was more than I expected it to be. Good read for what I’m feeling right now.
I also reflected a little on how good I felt this mother’s day. Past holidays were a little tough since there was that void. But since reuniting with my mom last month, things have been really good and positive. I was going to leave this part for my Portland post but since it’s post Mother’s day, I’ll write a little about it now.
I was a little nervous but it didn’t overwhelm me. It helped to hang out and have a little fun with Jamaica beforehand and that’s why I had planned my trip that way….to have some time to myself before taking the huge step of seeing my mom. And I know I’ve repeated myself many times but 22 YEARS!! (ever see the movie Gross Point Blank? when Jeremy Piven’s character yells, 10 YEARS!! to John Cusack’s character…that is what I’m quoting when I say 22 YEARS)
Yep, 22 years. I know. We’ve been talking on the phone for the past 3 years though…sort of rekindling our relationship. It never felt like a mother/daughter relationship though. More like I was talking to an aunt or a friend. And anytime she would try to act motherly, I would dismiss it. Hell, she was gone when I needed her most and I’m going to take her advice and lectures now?
After Tyler came along, he soften my hard edges tremendously (+ maybe it’s me getting older too). My heart was bitter and wary. I held on to negative crap just to be angry which is just stupid and a waste of life. Tyler made me see the world and myself differently. I don’t know if he’ll ever know what he’s done for me….what he continues to do for me.
Back to the renuion. So the day came and I had requested no tears beforehand. She obliged but I could tell she wanted too. We hugged like a mother and daughter in the middle of the Ace Hotel lobby. And later we talked. We shared things we couldn’t over the phone. I understand a great deal now. Things that I would have never understood as a kid. I’m not saying it’s ok as mother to leave your young children but now I know it wasn’t easy for her or that it wasn’t our fault. The 2 things that always angered + hurt me.
We spent our day together in good spirits. I can’t tell you how good it felt to go do something as normal as shopping sales and eating lunch together. These things that people take for granted everyday. I never up until now had experienced this. Kind of mind blowing.
The day went by fast. She kept saying it was like a dream, having her daughter in her home. She and her husband watched me as I went through the security gates at the airport and waved goodbye until I could no longer see them.
We’ve talked almost everyday since then. She’s my mother now. Maybe she wasn’t then or maybe she always was but she’s here now and I fully accept that. I plan to visit again in the Fall and hopefully soon she can meet Jeff and Tyler. That’s the next big step, one I’m excited for.
I hope all of you moms, aunts, grandmothers and sisters had a wonderful mother’s day!